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Jack Bauer is God.

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24 Newest Facts:
# 11024 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
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# 109"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
2424242412 ave of 96 (from 690 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 108There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who have not met Jack Bauer.
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# 107Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
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# 106In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."
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# 105Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
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# 104Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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# 103Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
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# 102Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.
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# 101When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
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# 100Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
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# 99Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 97Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
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# 96If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
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# 95On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
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# 94Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
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# 93Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
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# 92Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
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# 91The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
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# 90A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
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# 89Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
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# 88When someone said Jack Bauer facts are copying Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck tried to roundhouse kick Jack, who soon shot him in the face.
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# 87When someone said Jack Bauer facts are just like Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck roundhoused Jack. Jack shot him in the face, leaving Chuck dead and only a cut on Jack's lip, which he promptly healed with Chuck's tears.
2424241200 ave of 86 (from 259 votes)Rate it:24487296120

 
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