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Jack Bauer is God.

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# 30Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 51Jack Bauer has single handedly tortured more people than Britney Spears has with the aid of mass media and multinational record companies.
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# 21Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
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# 93Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
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# 26When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
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# 96If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
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# 73Jack Bauer doesnt walk thru the valley of the shadow of death.. he IS the valley of the shadow of death.
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# 42If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
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# 88When someone said Jack Bauer facts are copying Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck tried to roundhouse kick Jack, who soon shot him in the face.
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# 55Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.
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# 81If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
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# 109"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
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# 5If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.
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# 29Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
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# 84When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
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# 102Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.
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# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
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# 71.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
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# 50Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
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# 104Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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# 63It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
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# 24You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
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# 92Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
2424241200 ave of 93 (from 192 votes)Rate it:24487296120

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