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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 60If Jack Bauer were to run for President, he would be the nomination for both parties and win with 100% of the votes.
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# 55Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
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# 69Jack Bauer's favorite Beatles tune: Happiness is a Warm Gun
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# 13Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
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# 108There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who have not met Jack Bauer.
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# 88When someone said Jack Bauer facts are copying Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck tried to roundhouse kick Jack, who soon shot him in the face.
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# 99Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.
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# 61Jack Bauer is the Best Man. Who said anything about a wedding?
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# 9Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
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# 4Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
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# 24You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
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# 27Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
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# 51Jack Bauer has single handedly tortured more people than Britney Spears has with the aid of mass media and multinational record companies.
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# 54One time, Jack Bauer stubbed his toe, and subsequently destroyed the entire country of Saudi Arabia.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 8Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
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# 96If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
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# 53Jack Bauer pisses with the lid down and still gets it in.
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# 40When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
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# 50Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
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# 74How many Jack Bauers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Jack Bauer isn't afraid of the dark.
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# 34If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
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