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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 1Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
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# 47Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
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# 8Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
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# 76Jack Bauer's top secret morning coffee recipie: 2 parts HCL, 1 part Xylene, 1 part Draino, Mix, boil and run thru crushed habanero powder into a crucible. When the coffee has a ring of cerenkov blue around it you'll have gotten it right.
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# 17Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
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# 39Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
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# 79Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
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# 95On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
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# 58Jack Bauer fought Cancer. Now it's safe to smoke.
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# 96If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
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# 62When Jack stares into the sun, the sun flinches.
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# 48It's not considered nerve gas until it gets on the nerves of Jack Bauer.
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# 6Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
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# 11024 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
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# 52When Jack Bauer wants a vacation, every terrorist in Los Angeles is dead within an hour.
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# 100Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
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# 35People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
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# 84When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
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# 50Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
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# 87When someone said Jack Bauer facts are just like Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck roundhoused Jack. Jack shot him in the face, leaving Chuck dead and only a cut on Jack's lip, which he promptly healed with Chuck's tears.
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# 54One time, Jack Bauer stubbed his toe, and subsequently destroyed the entire country of Saudi Arabia.
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# 82Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
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