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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 59Anytime, anywhere, anyone shoots someone in the thigh, they have to pay a royalty to Jack Bauer.
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# 109"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
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# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
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# 108There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who have not met Jack Bauer.
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# 90A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
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# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 103Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
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# 96If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
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# 53Jack Bauer pisses with the lid down and still gets it in.
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# 57Where the Happy Meal at McDonalds comes with a toy, the Jack Bauer Meal comes with a dead terrorist.
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# 97Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
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# 11024 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
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# 99Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.
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# 4Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
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# 31In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
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# 32What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
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# 41It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
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# 79Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
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# 26When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
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# 82Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
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# 69Jack Bauer's favorite Beatles tune: Happiness is a Warm Gun
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# 45After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
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# 16When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
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