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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 93Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
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# 66Jack Bauer drinks Centox gas and spits out terrorists.
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# 71Jack Bauer once killed a terrorist in NYC by pointing his finger, and whispering "Bang!" While eating a burger. In LA.
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# 54One time, Jack Bauer stubbed his toe, and subsequently destroyed the entire country of Saudi Arabia.
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# 12Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 74How many Jack Bauers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Jack Bauer isn't afraid of the dark.
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# 28In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
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# 45After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
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# 68Jack Bauers favorite interrogation technique: Bad Cop/Dead Suspect
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# 11024 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
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# 13Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
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# 72When Jack Bauer goes diving, the Sharks insist on a cage for their own protection.
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# 75Jack Bauer is so ruthless, his 4 inch action figure can extract information more efficently than an h2so4 enema.
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# 55Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.
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# 49Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
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# 52When Jack Bauer wants a vacation, every terrorist in Los Angeles is dead within an hour.
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# 89Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
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# 18Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
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# 50Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
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# 81If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
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# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
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# 97Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
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# 48It's not considered nerve gas until it gets on the nerves of Jack Bauer.
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