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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 9Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
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# 28In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
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# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
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# 100Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
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# 87When someone said Jack Bauer facts are just like Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck roundhoused Jack. Jack shot him in the face, leaving Chuck dead and only a cut on Jack's lip, which he promptly healed with Chuck's tears.
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# 88When someone said Jack Bauer facts are copying Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck tried to roundhouse kick Jack, who soon shot him in the face.
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# 89Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
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# 6Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
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# 104Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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# 71.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
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# 65If Jack Bauer were to interrogate himself, the result would be analogous to multiplying infinity by zero.
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# 94Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
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# 25Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
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# 15Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
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# 34If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
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# 62When Jack stares into the sun, the sun flinches.
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# 101When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
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# 74How many Jack Bauers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Jack Bauer isn't afraid of the dark.
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# 16When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
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# 53Jack Bauer pisses with the lid down and still gets it in.
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# 52When Jack Bauer wants a vacation, every terrorist in Los Angeles is dead within an hour.
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# 2If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
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# 90A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
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# 92Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
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