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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 20When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
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# 26When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
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# 11When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
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# 43The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
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# 47Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
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# 3If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
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# 45After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
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# 8Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
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# 25Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
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# 24You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
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# 94Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
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# 64If you ever need a country annihilated, call Jack Bauer and tell him that Kim was kidnapped and killed there.
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# 58Jack Bauer fought Cancer. Now it's safe to smoke.
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# 55Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.
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# 71.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 97Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
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# 44Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
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# 13Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
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# 108There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who have not met Jack Bauer.
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# 75Jack Bauer is so ruthless, his 4 inch action figure can extract information more efficently than an h2so4 enema.
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# 82Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
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# 107Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
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# 18Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
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