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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 50Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
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# 42If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
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# 24You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
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# 63It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
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# 96If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
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# 95On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
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# 109"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
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# 21Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
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# 97Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
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# 75Jack Bauer is so ruthless, his 4 inch action figure can extract information more efficently than an h2so4 enema.
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# 6Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
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# 51Jack Bauer has single handedly tortured more people than Britney Spears has with the aid of mass media and multinational record companies.
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# 30Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
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# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
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# 102Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.
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# 3If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
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# 17Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
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# 92Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 31In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
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# 107Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
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# 62When Jack stares into the sun, the sun flinches.
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# 47Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
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# 12Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
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