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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
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# 92Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
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# 11024 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
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# 8Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
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# 101When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
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# 11When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
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# 84When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
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# 49Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
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# 61Jack Bauer is the Best Man. Who said anything about a wedding?
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# 45After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
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# 3If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
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# 55Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.
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# 108There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who have not met Jack Bauer.
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# 81If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
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# 31In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
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# 64If you ever need a country annihilated, call Jack Bauer and tell him that Kim was kidnapped and killed there.
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# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 68Jack Bauers favorite interrogation technique: Bad Cop/Dead Suspect
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# 35People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
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# 60If Jack Bauer were to run for President, he would be the nomination for both parties and win with 100% of the votes.
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# 37Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
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# 6Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
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# 88When someone said Jack Bauer facts are copying Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck tried to roundhouse kick Jack, who soon shot him in the face.
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