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Jack Bauer is God.

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# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 962 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 92Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
2424241200 ave of 93 (from 192 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 11024 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
2424241200 ave of 93 (from 237 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 8Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
2424241200 ave of 92 (from 165 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 101When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 325 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 11When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 202 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 84When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 676 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 49Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 145 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 61Jack Bauer is the Best Man. Who said anything about a wedding?
2424241200 ave of 80 (from 135 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 45After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
2424242412 ave of 96 (from 166 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 3If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2424241200 ave of 90 (from 170 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 55Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.
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# 108There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who have not met Jack Bauer.
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# 81If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 983 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 31In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
2424241200 ave of 96 (from 138 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 64If you ever need a country annihilated, call Jack Bauer and tell him that Kim was kidnapped and killed there.
2424241200 ave of 73 (from 131 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
2424241200 ave of 82 (from 168 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
2424242412 ave of 98 (from 573 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 68Jack Bauers favorite interrogation technique: Bad Cop/Dead Suspect
2424241200 ave of 93 (from 150 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 35People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 397 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 60If Jack Bauer were to run for President, he would be the nomination for both parties and win with 100% of the votes.
2424241200 ave of 82 (from 134 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 37Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 319 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 6Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 351 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 88When someone said Jack Bauer facts are copying Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck tried to roundhouse kick Jack, who soon shot him in the face.
2424241200 ave of 76 (from 181 votes)Rate it:24487296120

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