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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 4Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
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# 40When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
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# 108There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who have not met Jack Bauer.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 18Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
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# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
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# 76Jack Bauer's top secret morning coffee recipie: 2 parts HCL, 1 part Xylene, 1 part Draino, Mix, boil and run thru crushed habanero powder into a crucible. When the coffee has a ring of cerenkov blue around it you'll have gotten it right.
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# 11When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
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# 45After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
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# 9Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
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# 107Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
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# 87When someone said Jack Bauer facts are just like Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck roundhoused Jack. Jack shot him in the face, leaving Chuck dead and only a cut on Jack's lip, which he promptly healed with Chuck's tears.
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# 25Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
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# 63It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
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# 55Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.
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# 44Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 106In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."
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# 97Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
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# 52When Jack Bauer wants a vacation, every terrorist in Los Angeles is dead within an hour.
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# 41It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
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# 100Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
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# 57Where the Happy Meal at McDonalds comes with a toy, the Jack Bauer Meal comes with a dead terrorist.
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# 29Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
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