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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 48It's not considered nerve gas until it gets on the nerves of Jack Bauer.
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# 39Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
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# 32What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
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# 11When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
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# 71.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
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# 2If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
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# 73Jack Bauer doesnt walk thru the valley of the shadow of death.. he IS the valley of the shadow of death.
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# 44Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
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# 22When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
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# 6Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
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# 109"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
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# 21Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
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# 35People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
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# 50Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
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# 69Jack Bauer's favorite Beatles tune: Happiness is a Warm Gun
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 13Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
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# 1Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
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# 30Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
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# 52When Jack Bauer wants a vacation, every terrorist in Los Angeles is dead within an hour.
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# 53Jack Bauer pisses with the lid down and still gets it in.
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# 49Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
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# 75Jack Bauer is so ruthless, his 4 inch action figure can extract information more efficently than an h2so4 enema.
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# 64If you ever need a country annihilated, call Jack Bauer and tell him that Kim was kidnapped and killed there.
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