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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 87When someone said Jack Bauer facts are just like Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck roundhoused Jack. Jack shot him in the face, leaving Chuck dead and only a cut on Jack's lip, which he promptly healed with Chuck's tears.
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# 109"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".
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# 74How many Jack Bauers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Jack Bauer isn't afraid of the dark.
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# 104Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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# 17Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
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# 50Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
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# 52When Jack Bauer wants a vacation, every terrorist in Los Angeles is dead within an hour.
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# 58Jack Bauer fought Cancer. Now it's safe to smoke.
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# 6Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
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# 97Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
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# 37Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
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# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
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# 65If Jack Bauer were to interrogate himself, the result would be analogous to multiplying infinity by zero.
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# 61Jack Bauer is the Best Man. Who said anything about a wedding?
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# 1Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
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# 80Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd...no one fools Jack Bauer.
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# 45After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
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# 27Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
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# 91The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
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# 43The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
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# 21Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
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# 69Jack Bauer's favorite Beatles tune: Happiness is a Warm Gun
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# 36Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."
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# 59Anytime, anywhere, anyone shoots someone in the thigh, they have to pay a royalty to Jack Bauer.
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