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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 30Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
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# 43The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
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# 73Jack Bauer doesnt walk thru the valley of the shadow of death.. he IS the valley of the shadow of death.
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# 74How many Jack Bauers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Jack Bauer isn't afraid of the dark.
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# 72When Jack Bauer goes diving, the Sharks insist on a cage for their own protection.
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# 80Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd...no one fools Jack Bauer.
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# 71Jack Bauer once killed a terrorist in NYC by pointing his finger, and whispering "Bang!" While eating a burger. In LA.
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# 42If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
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# 84When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
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# 75Jack Bauer is so ruthless, his 4 inch action figure can extract information more efficently than an h2so4 enema.
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# 70Jack Bauer has counted to infinity. Twice.
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# 9Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
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# 82Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
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# 29Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
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# 64If you ever need a country annihilated, call Jack Bauer and tell him that Kim was kidnapped and killed there.
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# 36Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."
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# 48It's not considered nerve gas until it gets on the nerves of Jack Bauer.
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# 108There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who have not met Jack Bauer.
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# 21Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
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# 20When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
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# 49Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
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# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
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# 106In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."
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# 105Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
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