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Random facts about Jack Bauer - JackBauerIsGod.com

Jack Bauer is God.

Top 24


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24 Random Facts: (more)
# 26When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
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# 91The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
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# 81If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
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# 97Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
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# 16When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
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# 59Anytime, anywhere, anyone shoots someone in the thigh, they have to pay a royalty to Jack Bauer.
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# 95On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
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# 60If Jack Bauer were to run for President, he would be the nomination for both parties and win with 100% of the votes.
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# 13Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
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# 58Jack Bauer fought Cancer. Now it's safe to smoke.
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# 49Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
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# 40When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
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# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
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# 46Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
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# 105Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
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# 89Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
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# 18Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
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# 61Jack Bauer is the Best Man. Who said anything about a wedding?
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# 102Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.
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# 51Jack Bauer has single handedly tortured more people than Britney Spears has with the aid of mass media and multinational record companies.
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# 77Jack Bauer's morning cup of coffee has been known to jump start nuclear submarines.
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# 37Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
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# 3If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
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# 30Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
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