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Jack Bauer is God.

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Facts 73 through 95: <= Prev Next =>
# 74How many Jack Bauers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Jack Bauer isn't afraid of the dark.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 385 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 75Jack Bauer is so ruthless, his 4 inch action figure can extract information more efficently than an h2so4 enema.
2424241200 ave of 75 (from 101 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 76Jack Bauer's top secret morning coffee recipie: 2 parts HCL, 1 part Xylene, 1 part Draino, Mix, boil and run thru crushed habanero powder into a crucible. When the coffee has a ring of cerenkov blue around it you'll have gotten it right.
2424120000 ave of 64 (from 124 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 77Jack Bauer's morning cup of coffee has been known to jump start nuclear submarines.
2424241200 ave of 85 (from 127 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 78The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 961 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 79Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 242 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 80Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd...no one fools Jack Bauer.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 345 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 81If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 982 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 82Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
2424241200 ave of 92 (from 153 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 84When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 675 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 87When someone said Jack Bauer facts are just like Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck roundhoused Jack. Jack shot him in the face, leaving Chuck dead and only a cut on Jack's lip, which he promptly healed with Chuck's tears.
2424241200 ave of 86 (from 259 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 88When someone said Jack Bauer facts are copying Chuck Norris facts, Jack hunted down Chuck. When he found him, Chuck tried to roundhouse kick Jack, who soon shot him in the face.
2424241200 ave of 76 (from 181 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 89Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 907 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 90A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
2424241200 ave of 87 (from 158 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 91The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
2424241200 ave of 88 (from 165 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 92Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
2424241200 ave of 93 (from 192 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 93Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 228 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 94Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
2424242412 ave of 98 (from 813 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 95On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 442 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 96If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 461 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 97Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
2424242412 ave of 96 (from 290 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 98Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 995 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 99Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 661 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 100Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 802 votes)Rate it:24487296120

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