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Jack Bauer is God.

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Facts 49 through 71: <= Prev Next =>
# 49Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 145 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 50Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
2424241200 ave of 81 (from 131 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 51Jack Bauer has single handedly tortured more people than Britney Spears has with the aid of mass media and multinational record companies.
2424241200 ave of 85 (from 151 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 52When Jack Bauer wants a vacation, every terrorist in Los Angeles is dead within an hour.
2424241200 ave of 86 (from 106 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 53Jack Bauer pisses with the lid down and still gets it in.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 159 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 54One time, Jack Bauer stubbed his toe, and subsequently destroyed the entire country of Saudi Arabia.
2424241200 ave of 80 (from 133 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 55Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.
2424241200 ave of 92 (from 142 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 56Jack Bauer is such a badass that as a Boy Scout he earned all his merit badges in one day.
2424120000 ave of 64 (from 147 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 57Where the Happy Meal at McDonalds comes with a toy, the Jack Bauer Meal comes with a dead terrorist.
2424241200 ave of 84 (from 123 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 58Jack Bauer fought Cancer. Now it's safe to smoke.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 161 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 59Anytime, anywhere, anyone shoots someone in the thigh, they have to pay a royalty to Jack Bauer.
2424241200 ave of 85 (from 141 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 60If Jack Bauer were to run for President, he would be the nomination for both parties and win with 100% of the votes.
2424241200 ave of 82 (from 134 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 61Jack Bauer is the Best Man. Who said anything about a wedding?
2424241200 ave of 80 (from 135 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 62When Jack stares into the sun, the sun flinches.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 189 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 63It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
2424242412 ave of 98 (from 214 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 64If you ever need a country annihilated, call Jack Bauer and tell him that Kim was kidnapped and killed there.
2424241200 ave of 73 (from 131 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 65If Jack Bauer were to interrogate himself, the result would be analogous to multiplying infinity by zero.
2424241200 ave of 79 (from 133 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 66Jack Bauer drinks Centox gas and spits out terrorists.
2424120000 ave of 69 (from 117 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 68Jack Bauers favorite interrogation technique: Bad Cop/Dead Suspect
2424241200 ave of 93 (from 150 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 69Jack Bauer's favorite Beatles tune: Happiness is a Warm Gun
2424120000 ave of 72 (from 115 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 70Jack Bauer has counted to infinity. Twice.
2424241200 ave of 87 (from 161 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 71Jack Bauer once killed a terrorist in NYC by pointing his finger, and whispering "Bang!" While eating a burger. In LA.
2424241200 ave of 90 (from 140 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 72When Jack Bauer goes diving, the Sharks insist on a cage for their own protection.
2424241200 ave of 92 (from 167 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 73Jack Bauer doesnt walk thru the valley of the shadow of death.. he IS the valley of the shadow of death.
2424241200 ave of 82 (from 138 votes)Rate it:24487296120

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