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Jack Bauer is God.

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Facts 1 through 23: Next =>
# 1Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
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# 2If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
2424242412 ave of 98 (from 850 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 3If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2424241200 ave of 90 (from 170 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 4Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 214 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 5If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.
2424242412 ave of 99 (from 508 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 6Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 351 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 71.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 661 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 8Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
2424241200 ave of 92 (from 165 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 9Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
2424241200 ave of 90 (from 174 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 10Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 625 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 11When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 202 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 12Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
2424241200 ave of 94 (from 173 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 13Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
2424241200 ave of 88 (from 148 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 14Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
2424242412 ave of 97 (from 623 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 15Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
2424241200 ave of 96 (from 230 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 16When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
2424242412 ave of 96 (from 195 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 17Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
2424241200 ave of 90 (from 140 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 18Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
2424241200 ave of 88 (from 131 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 19Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
2424241200 ave of 82 (from 168 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 20When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
2424242412 ave of 96 (from 286 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 21Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
2424241200 ave of 90 (from 164 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 22When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
2424241200 ave of 95 (from 148 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 23When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
2424242412 ave of 98 (from 572 votes)Rate it:24487296120

# 24You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
2424241200 ave of 85 (from 148 votes)Rate it:24487296120

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